Taming Toddler Tantrums: 1-2-3
Don't get too frustrated - tantrums are normal. Little guys and gals with a limited vocabulary act out their emotions. The first step to avoiding tantrums is understanding what causes them. There are several common reasons:
• Frustration - Toddlers are just beginning to need to have some control; but of course, most of their life is still out of their control. They want to be able to communicate, but their vocabulary is limited. They want to do things for themselves, but are often unable. They want to have things their way, but often can't. All of these things create frustration, and cause tantrums.
• Feeling overwhelmed - Hunger, fatigue and discomfort can all make a child feel overwhelmed and cause tantrums.
• Needing attention - Toddlers often act out just because they don't feel they're getting enough attention. Try spending some more quality time playing with them and you may see an improvement in the number of tantrums.
The best way to deal with tantrums is to plan ahead, so that they never start. There are some fairly easy ways to prevent tantrums; here are a few to get you started.
• Don't put toddler in stressful situations when they're tired or hungry - Taking a toddler to run errands when he's hungry is asking for trouble.
• Establish a routine - Toddlers thrive on routine, because knowing what to expect is comforting to them. Big activities like meals and naps should happen at about the same time each day. Be sure that your child is getting some interaction with other children, too. Playgroups or preschool are a big help, because your child learns that rules apply to everyone.
• Give them some control - Your child will respond positively to the opportunity to make some choices. Make them simple; such as choosing between cereal and a waffle for breakfast. The more you can create situations where your child feels in control, the less they'll resist you.
Remember that tantrums are a phase, depending on your child's temperament, you may not be able to avoid. However, your response to them will, in part, determine how long you have to deal with them. Don't give in to your toddler's demands - that's just teaching them that tantrums work!
Instead, redirect their behavior and don't lose your cool. If you create situations that avoid tantrums, and you handle them effectively when they do occur, you can rest assured that your child will outgrow them. Be loving yet firm, create trusting interactions between you and your toddler, and get down on the floor and play. These three steps will move you through tantrums with peace and joy.
• Frustration - Toddlers are just beginning to need to have some control; but of course, most of their life is still out of their control. They want to be able to communicate, but their vocabulary is limited. They want to do things for themselves, but are often unable. They want to have things their way, but often can't. All of these things create frustration, and cause tantrums.
• Feeling overwhelmed - Hunger, fatigue and discomfort can all make a child feel overwhelmed and cause tantrums.
• Needing attention - Toddlers often act out just because they don't feel they're getting enough attention. Try spending some more quality time playing with them and you may see an improvement in the number of tantrums.
The best way to deal with tantrums is to plan ahead, so that they never start. There are some fairly easy ways to prevent tantrums; here are a few to get you started.
• Don't put toddler in stressful situations when they're tired or hungry - Taking a toddler to run errands when he's hungry is asking for trouble.
• Establish a routine - Toddlers thrive on routine, because knowing what to expect is comforting to them. Big activities like meals and naps should happen at about the same time each day. Be sure that your child is getting some interaction with other children, too. Playgroups or preschool are a big help, because your child learns that rules apply to everyone.
• Give them some control - Your child will respond positively to the opportunity to make some choices. Make them simple; such as choosing between cereal and a waffle for breakfast. The more you can create situations where your child feels in control, the less they'll resist you.
Remember that tantrums are a phase, depending on your child's temperament, you may not be able to avoid. However, your response to them will, in part, determine how long you have to deal with them. Don't give in to your toddler's demands - that's just teaching them that tantrums work!
Instead, redirect their behavior and don't lose your cool. If you create situations that avoid tantrums, and you handle them effectively when they do occur, you can rest assured that your child will outgrow them. Be loving yet firm, create trusting interactions between you and your toddler, and get down on the floor and play. These three steps will move you through tantrums with peace and joy.
Comment
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Comment by Lynne Kenney on March 3, 2009 at 11:16am -
Great thoughts, six kids surely make you an expert! All moms are experts. Enjoy your day, Lynne
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Comment by Audrey Hussey on March 2, 2009 at 6:32am
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Just to start, I in no way assume expert status here LOL.
Seriously, though, I have 6 kids, and I cannot remember more that 2 or 3 tantrums in 14 years. Perhaps it's because I don't allow them their way unless I want to from the get go. Even a 6 month old can understand they're just not getting it if i said no. So here's what I do; from day one, I distract their unnecessary (meaning all of their needs are met, and I am a co-sleeping attachment parent who wears her babies) fussing with a gentle blow in their face, and a "shh". By the time they get to 2, they understand completely what this means. I even do it with my 5 yr old when she loses control of herself. Brings them right back to the present, and eye contact with me.
All of this, of course, rests on following the common sense advice listed above. I cringe when I see a 2 year old in a stroller still in his snowsuit crying whilst mom and dad eat yogurt in the food court!
Back to the child and the tantrum. If I see things heading this way, I immediately remove the child from our midst. I tell them they cannot be with us until they control themselves. I'm sorry , I don't reinforce their awareness of life's unfairness LOL they can already see that! I feel this just gives them victim status. I've put them in whatever room is safe and alone. They can come out when they are ready. It's never gotten so bad that they lose it. Once I had to leave my niece (6 yrs old) on the floor of my room because she would not stop screaming to leave (I was babysitting). I just put her in there, told her to come out ONLY when she can control herself, I was sorry her mom had to go to the doctor, and she was welcome to come play when she was finished. In 15 minutes she fell asleep. It's hard with other people's kids!
People think it's bizarre to see me blowing in my 2 yr. old's face in church when he's whining, but they always comment to me how amazing it is to see him realize his little tantrum is not working and just stop. Then he gets the hugs and snuggles. And he doesn't need to be spanked!
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Comment by Claire Batten on February 28, 2009 at 12:12pm -
Great article, I must admit I used to get so frustrated with my little ones aged 2 and 4 but then i realised that they had just got themselves to point of being really frustrated and overwhelmed. Now I explain that i understand how they are feeling (even if they cannot have what they want) and give them a big hug. Often this works, but i find i have to totally convey to them that i understand their frustrations something like 'oh you really want that x its just not fair is it, come on lets have a hug' then when they are calm I explain why they cannot have x - it seems to work okay we dont have that many meltdowns!!!
Claire
http://www.survivemorningsickness.com
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Comment by Sue Atkins on February 28, 2009 at 5:58am
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This is such good advice and it's always so helpful to remember that kids do eventually grow out of this phase. It's all about your mindset, your confidence and your attitude to the toddler tantrum times isn't it?
Sue Atkins
Author of "Raising Happy Children for Dummies"
www.positive-parents.com
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