even if it doesn't taste as good as I thought or isn't as much to my liking, I polish it off anyway. I am briefly satisfied at "indulging" in a forbidden treat, until it hits my stomach, then the aching and churning starts, followed quickly by the first few pangs of regret...all will haunt me for the next several hours. I mean, my chocolate soy milk never makes me feel so bad. I don't feel guilty, when I go to bed sans dessert. And, I wonder, why? How can something that I know is bad for me and that makes me feel bad make me so mindless?

I think this is the addictive part of food that experts have been warning about, specifically the addictive quality in sugar. Every now and then, I get in a rut with some form of sweet...it starts off as recreational use like a reward for a hard workout week or a hitting a weightloss goal or even just to satisfy a random craving, then I start to stock it at the house "just in case", and then I turn around to discover that I am noshing daily on said treat. How quickly the occassional use can become a full blown habit! It's like once you get sugar in your system, it just takes ahold and leaves you just wanting more and more like some illegal drugs. I will blame myself for my choices and for keeping sugary sweets handy, but I think there is a lot to the argument that some companies in this country have created foods loaded with chemicals that do create cravings and addictions, creating a viscious cycle of overeating and overindulging that is not helping our obesity epidemic. I need to remember that there may be more of a correlation between sugar and illegal drugs than we would every care to think about.

So, now begins the withdrawal phase...recovery, addicts call it. With a schedule free of birthdays and celebrations and holidays, for awhile anyway, I hope to work this junk outta my system and get back on track!