Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Tracy Iglesias on September 8, 2010 at 5:32pm

Torie,

Your family dynamic reflects society in general unless a writer makes the coveted New York Times or Oprah Winfrey Book Club Picks, people do not value it.

My School Guidance Counselors told me writing is not a job either.

People tend to base success on visual symbols of status and prestige, all material. All fleeting.

Purse your passion, follow your heart. Don't 'justify' what you do to anyone but YOURSELF. If you are making a point and they rudely deflect like that I would validate what was just said, and then continue to make my point un-deterred. What your dad is doing is rude, and you should sit him down ALONE so he doesn't get defensive and feel attacked, and tell him how much he is hurting you by be-littling what you love to do. Sometimes people truly don't realize how much they hurt us, but by telling him he is being HURTFUL, he may just realize that you are owed more respect than what he has shown you. I can't guarantee he will change, but at minimum he will no longer have an excuse for that kind of social rudeness with you, because he will know how you feel about it, if he continues after you tell him pointedly how you feel, only you can determine what the right next step for YOU should be.

I wish you luck, it's not a fun place to find yourself. We all deserve to feel appreciated by our efforts, especially by the people we love, respect, and trust most.

Tracy @ Ascending Butterfly

Permalink Reply by Torie Combest on September 8, 2010 at 6:05pm

Tracy,

Thanks you so much for the wise words. I hope one day they will realize that what I do is what I love and I will never want to do anything else. If they don't, I can't let it slow me down. It is just really frustrating. Thanks again.

Permalink Reply by Barbara Walker on September 11, 2010 at 10:07am

Sometimes, but I find when I treat it like my flight attendant job I get less flack. When I fly out of town I can't answer phone calls or attend events. I do the same when I have deadlines and I make it clear to those around me that I am unavailable. I don't answer personal calls and turn down invitations when I am on deadline.

Since I've started being unavailable to them when I am working they have started treating it more like any other job.

I think freelancing and being a mom is challenging and I always appreciate advice from people who make it work.

I wish you the best, and thanks for posting a great question.

Cheers,
`Barbi

Permalink Reply by Torie Combest on September 11, 2010 at 11:28am

Freelancing and being a mom is challenging. I have thought about making "hours" for myself and it sounds like it has worked for you so I may give that a try. Thanks.

Permalink Reply by Melissa Romo on September 20, 2010 at 3:09pm

Yes!! Here's my advice Torie:
- Don't defend it. Just keep writing and ignore everyone. See how much your dad wants to change the subject when you're a the local bookstore signing copies of your book.
- Get a business card that has your name on it and the title "Writer" underneath. Really. Do it. They're cheap at Vistaprint. Carry them in your purse and give them to anybody who asks what you do. Put your blog URL on them, too.
- Write and PRINT OUT a schedule, then pin it above your desk (and you must have a desk or writing space that is sacred). I did this last week when my kids went back to school - I posted mine on my blog: www.thebookorbust.blogspot.com. Barbara's advice is good - be unavailable during your scheduled writing hours.
- Join a writer's group, anything. There are lots of listings usually on Craigslist. I just found a fantastic one on Craigslist. There's strength in numbers, right?
- Lastly... you have already published?! I haven't and I still have the gall to call myself a writer with bonafide biz cards, so if I can do it, why can't you. ;-)
Good luck and keep writing... you have a great voice. I love reading your posts and can relate to so much you say.
Best, Melissa

Permalink Reply by Torie Combest on September 20, 2010 at 7:51pm

Thank you so much Melissa. Great advice. I am going to start taking myself more seriously and then, hopefully, those around me will take what I do seriously. Thanks again.

Permalink Reply by Barbara Briggs Ward on October 5, 2010 at 8:49pm

I understand! For some reason I get more support from near strangers than family members. Oh well-I write because I absolutely love the whole process and decided awhile back-that is what matters. It feels right. It is a part of the real Me!

Permalink Reply by Heather Randall on December 31, 2010 at 2:09pm

Torie,

Remember that your family might believe they are just protecting you.  A good family will go to a lot of trouble to keep each other safe emotionally. Anyone with a brain understands that writing is hard. It can mean a lot of rejection and require some really tough skin.  Maybe they need to see how you handle disappointments. Don't just show of your success. Let them see your failures too and how you gain strength and momentum through them.  Handling the doubt of your family could actually equip you to write better and more confidently. Watching you turn your bummers into blessings through stubborn tenacity and conviction might turn them into your biggest cheerleaders. Stick with it.