Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by itsaboutusmoms on March 30, 2009 at 8:00am

Interesting question. We didn't notice this happening often because Leah grew up in Vancouver--a pretty racially diverse city. But there were times when we were traveling when this happened. Usually I accepted the looks--we were different so of course people would look. Only two times did it bother me: once in a coastal community full of tourists when we were sitting having an ice-cream cone outside a restaurant. Leah, about 8 years old then, remarked on how people were staring at her and that she was uncomfortable. In that case, the looks were benign but another time we stopped into a restaurant in a small town. This time the looks did not seem friendly and we got out of there as soon as we could.

Permalink Reply by Dawn Speese on April 4, 2009 at 4:44pm

Hi, I'm new here and thought I would respond to this since my husband and I were just discussing this very subject today. What is funny is that I forget that we are a conspicuous family and though everyone does stare at us it has been almost exclusively "friendly". There has only been one time where I was uncomfortable by the outright rudeness of a man at California Pizza Kitchen. I pulled Rylee into my arms and stared back at him until he backed down. Not sure what he was thinking, but it sure didn't seem like positive thoughts. Our daughter is so full of personality and oozes charm that I find myself forgetting how different from us she looks and I just assume that they are looking at my family because we are usually laughing, silly and smiling and they are smiling back. Now I find myself staring at other adoptive families, because I am trying to figure out if I know them from any of my online or cultural groups.

I have a family blog and just started a series about the details of our adoption experience. If anyone wants to follow along, I would love to get to know you! My blog is http://ryleeforlife.blogspot.com

Twitter http://twitter.com/RyleeForLife

Hoping to meet up with many of you!

Permalink Reply by Samantha on May 1, 2009 at 12:27pm

We get stares also, but to be honest I don't care. My son is mine through and through no matter if he looks a bit different from me. The only thing I'm concerned about is someone saying something. The only time we've gotten comments was when he was still a baby and couldn't understand.

Permalink Reply by Sue smith on July 6, 2009 at 10:19am

We get stares...I just take it in stride. My daughter (3.5) however, is starting to notice and will say things like, "Why is everyone looking at me?"

Permalink Reply by Eileen K on July 10, 2009 at 7:12am

Our area is pretty diverse and a high tourism area - but I think we get "remembered" more at the grocery, Target, etc. as the blond mommy with the asian daughter. Never had a problem though and her school is very diverse.

However, when we traveled to visit family in the midwest - it was almost scary the amount of attention she garnered. One person even yelled from a car across the parking lot asking where she was from. We tried to shelter her from it as much as possible and I don't think she noticed much - but it made me appreciate our community at home much more than I had before.

Permalink Reply by Sarah Luebbert on July 15, 2009 at 12:24pm

Our family gets the looks as well even though my son really doesn't look that different from me. Some people pick up on the fact that he is adopted and some don't. We have never received too many negative looks, but just really weird comments. I had some just the other weekend like "does he call you mommy, or does he call you by your first name;" "do you love him like you would a biological child;" and "when do you think you will have one of your own?" Those things really get to me because yes, I am the only mom he knows, I love him like I could love no other person, and I already have one "of my own" I don't consider my son to not be "my own."

Permalink Reply by Sarah Luebbert on July 15, 2009 at 12:27pm

I am from the Midwest and have never had many problems. I am very sorry that they did that to you, obviously they just aren't very intelligent people. We too are remembered by many people because we have the only Korean boy in our area (one of our friends just adopted a little boy from Korea so we are no longer the only ones). I hope that if you come back to the Midwest that your experience is much better.

Eileen K said:

Our area is pretty diverse and a high tourism area - but I think we get "remembered" more at the grocery, Target, etc. as the blond mommy with the asian daughter. Never had a problem though and her school is very diverse.

However, when we traveled to visit family in the midwest - it was almost scary the amount of attention she garnered. One person even yelled from a car across the parking lot asking where she was from. We tried to shelter her from it as much as possible and I don't think she noticed much - but it made me appreciate our community at home much more than I had before.