Stay-at-Home Mom friendship with a Stay-at-Home Dad
At one of my playgroups there's a stay-at-home dad. He's very nice, has three great kids and seems like an all around great guy. We get together at playgroups and other kid-activities a few times a week. Is it weird that I'm friends with a SAHD, even though my husband is completely OK with it?
Tags: friendship, playgroups, stay-at-home-dads
Views: 15
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Teresa Stephens on
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You are playing with fire, girlfriend, and you WILL eventually get burned. There is nothing good that can come out of a friendship between a married woman and a married man that does not include the other spouses. Do not listen to anyone who tells you otherwise. They are flat wrong.
As you continue to spend time together, you both will start to share more and more of your personal feelings. It will start out with basic frustrations about your kids, your spouse and other things that you are less than happy about at the moment. Eventually, as you grow closer, you will each probably even discuss your wants and needs that have gone unmet by your spouse. One thing will quite possibly lead to another and you will develop an emotional connection, even if you do not mean for it to. Then, one or both of you may develop significant feelings for the other that are not appropriate. This will put you in a very bad position and will either damage your friendship or, more importantly, your marriage. At some point, you may find yourself in an affair. Do not say, 'This would NEVER happen to me or my spouse. We are too strong/close for that!' Everyone says it but EVERYONE is capable of having an affair.
PLEASE, think about this before you continue. Are you doing it out of pure friendship or is there something beneath the surface already? I have been right where you are and it went way farther than I ever meant for it to go. Thankfully, I had a spouse who loved me enough to work through it with me. Will yours?
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Permalink Reply by Allison Butt on -
Thanks for your advice. These are my concerns. My parents were torn apart by a friendship that went too far, so I know that it can easily happen, even if you don't intend for it.
We have met each others spouses, and we've talked about the 4 of us getting together on the weekends. I think that will help if I become friends with his wife too. But I still need to keep some distance.
Teresa Stephens said:You are playing with fire, girlfriend, and you WILL eventually get burned. There is nothing good that can come out of a friendship between a married woman and a married man that does not include the other spouses. Do not listen to anyone who tells you otherwise. They are flat wrong.
As you continue to spend time together, you both will start to share more and more of your personal feelings. It will start out with basic frustrations about your kids, your spouse and other things that you are less than happy about at the moment. Eventually, as you grow closer, you will each probably even discuss your wants and needs that have gone unmet by your spouse. One thing will quite possibly lead to another and you will develop an emotional connection, even if you do not mean for it to. Then, one or both of you may develop significant feelings for the other that are not appropriate. This will put you in a very bad position and will either damage your friendship or, more importantly, your marriage. At some point, you may find yourself in an affair. Do not say, 'This would NEVER happen to me or my spouse. We are too strong/close for that!' Everyone says it but EVERYONE is capable of having an affair.
PLEASE, think about this before you continue. Are you doing it out of pure friendship or is there something beneath the surface already? I have been right where you are and it went way farther than I ever meant for it to go. Thankfully, I had a spouse who loved me enough to work through it with me. Will yours?
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I'm glad you are planning to keep the other two spouses involved. However, I strongly suggest that if you already have any 'feelings' for this man, break all ties with him NOW. If you don't, your feelings will continue to grow and then sometime in the future, you and he WILL find a time and a way to be alone again.
It just sounds as though you already know where this may be headed. Am I wrong?
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Permalink Reply by Allison Butt on
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I do not have any feelings for this man, other than friendship, and I do not have any intentions of taking the relationship further than friendship. I was just looking for other opinions, hoping that there are other moms who have be-friended stay-at-home dads. I did not mean to give any other impression.
Teresa Stephens said:I'm glad you are planning to keep the other two spouses involved. However, I strongly suggest that if you already have any 'feelings' for this man, break all ties with him NOW. If you don't, your feelings will continue to grow and then sometime in the future, you and he WILL find a time and a way to be alone again.
It just sounds as though you already know where this may be headed. Am I wrong?
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Permalink Reply by Lindsay Prescott on -
I personally see nothing wrong with it. I have male friends, my husband has female friends, we both trust each other enough and love one another that much to know that the other wouldn't do anything rash. If you are secure in your marriage, and see it simply as friendship that also benefits your children. I see no harm in it. There are a lot of SAHD now a days, more than people realize. Your spouses both know as well, so once I again, I see nothing wrong with it.
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Permalink Reply by Allison Butt on
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Good point. I hadn't thought of it that way. My husband has women friends at work and I don't have any issues with it. He doesn't have any issues with me having male friends. I'm very much in love with my husband and he's very much in love with me. That's the important part.
Desiree said:I don't see it as being an issue at this point. To me, it's like working closely with a man at a 9 to 5 job. Are the risks there at the 9 to 5 job to have an extra-marital affair? Absolutely, but I don't think befriending a SAHD puts you at greater risk. Does that make sense? I'm reading it back to myself and it seems like gobbledy gook. LOL
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Permalink Reply by Allison Butt on
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Thanks for your thoughts. I'm starting to feel the same way. I'm very much in love with my husband, the SAHD is just a friend, nothing more.
Lindsay Farley said:I personally see nothing wrong with it. I have male friends, my husband has female friends, we both trust each other enough and love one another that much to know that the other wouldn't do anything rash. If you are secure in your marriage, and see it simply as friendship that also benefits your children. I see no harm in it. There are a lot of SAHD now a days, more than people realize. Your spouses both know as well, so once I again, I see nothing wrong with it.
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