Not a happy topic, but important... My kind, successful, generous friend is a child molester.
I had the shock of my life two weeks ago when I discovered that a long time friend, my chiropractor, is a child molester. I'm embarrassed to say that I've been naive -- never really believed child sexual abuse could touch my life.
I am learning such disturbing things...the vast majority of molestation cases go unreported because children either can't or don't talk about it! Many just don't know how. How can we better protect our children?
I have a lot of questions, not many answers...would love to hear yours.
(Here's my story: http://www.janetlansbury.com/2010/11/a-child-molester-in-my-circle/ )
Tags: abuse, children, molestation, parenting, peodophile, tmfc
Views: 28
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Elle N. Em on -
Thanks for sharing this information, your story is very moving. It is very important for parents to watch their children closely and always listen with a keen ear to what they are saying. Unfortunately, abuse is not uncommon in our world and as parents we have to be extra cautious. My children are very young, but now is the time to talk to them about their bodies and not letting others touch them in private places. http://CleverlyChanging.com
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Permalink Reply by Denise Doxilly on -
Hey Janet, Consider yourself very lucky that child sexual abuse has not touch your life until now. You are defintely one of the lucky ones and rare. I unfortunately have been around it so many times that I am extremely over protective of my boys. I had two Dads/family friends in my childhood years that were sexually abusing their kids. (found this out later in life) One went to his death bed with his secret only suspected and a daughter that is extremely messed up because he begged her not to tell. The other one is still on the run and wanted by police. My uncle sexually molested my sister and I and thankfully nothing extreme, just fondleing and he got caught. Unfortunately nothing was done about it an he continued to do it to his kids and ended up going to jail. My OBGYN was arrested for sexually penetrating young girls while doing pap examinations, etc. Some not even totally aware that it was happening. I thought he was a fantastic doctor!!! You just don't know and you just can't judge. My Step-mother was raped by a priest and my uncle also was sexually abused by priests. I am very suspicious of old men who start conversations with my boys. I have seen a man lingering in an out of ailes in Toys R US that seemed very suspicious who wasn't really shopping. My radar is up everywhere. Sad isn't it that I have to be this way. I protect my boys by not allowing sleep overs and I will not let them go to any boy scout camps, etc. I do not allow them to go to a birthday party that is in someones home that I don't know the parents. If it is at a bowling alley or something like that I let them go but not at a strangers house. I keep them very informed about stranger danger, what to do if someone approaches them, etc. And I let them watch shows that talk about kids being abducted so they understand why I am they way I am. I feel there is so much of this happening now and my job is to get them to reach adulthood without encountering this type of situation.
Hope this helps.
Denise
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Permalink Reply by Web Success Coach on -
We can never be too careful when it comes to our children! Thanks for sharing this and keeping us informed and aware.
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Permalink Reply by Lea Curtes-Swenson on -
How horrifying! Thank you for sharing this with us, Janet... I read your blog post, and have bookmarked the articles you reference. We need to be so vigilant!
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Permalink Reply by Janet Lansbury on -
Elle, thanks! You're very wise...
Elle N. Em said:Thanks for sharing this information, your story is very moving. It is very important for parents to watch their children closely and always listen with a keen ear to what they are saying. Unfortunately, abuse is not uncommon in our world and as parents we have to be extra cautious. My children are very young, but now is the time to talk to them about their bodies and not letting others touch them in private places. http://CleverlyChanging.com
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Permalink Reply by Janet Lansbury on
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Denise, wow! I do consider myself lucky. I'm so sorry for all your suffering!
Denise Doxilly said:Hey Janet, Consider yourself very lucky that child sexual abuse has not touch your life until now. You are defintely one of the lucky ones and rare. I unfortunately have been around it so many times that I am extremely over protective of my boys. I had two Dads/family friends in my childhood years that were sexually abusing their kids. (found this out later in life) One went to his death bed with his secret only suspected and a daughter that is extremely messed up because he begged her not to tell. The other one is still on the run and wanted by police. My uncle sexually molested my sister and I and thankfully nothing extreme, just fondleing and he got caught. Unfortunately nothing was done about it an he continued to do it to his kids and ended up going to jail. My OBGYN was arrested for sexually penetrating young girls while doing pap examinations, etc. Some not even totally aware that it was happening. I thought he was a fantastic doctor!!! You just don't know and you just can't judge. My Step-mother was raped by a priest and my uncle also was sexually abused by priests. I am very suspicious of old men who start conversations with my boys. I have seen a man lingering in an out of ailes in Toys R US that seemed very suspicious who wasn't really shopping. My radar is up everywhere. Sad isn't it that I have to be this way. I protect my boys by not allowing sleep overs and I will not let them go to any boy scout camps, etc. I do not allow them to go to a birthday party that is in someones home that I don't know the parents. If it is at a bowling alley or something like that I let them go but not at a strangers house. I keep them very informed about stranger danger, what to do if someone approaches them, etc. And I let them watch shows that talk about kids being abducted so they understand why I am they way I am. I feel there is so much of this happening now and my job is to get them to reach adulthood without encountering this type of situation.
Hope this helps.
Denise
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Permalink Reply by Janet Lansbury on
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Yes, the list of myths really surprised me. The man pled guilty last week when he heard that one of the children (my friend's daughter) was going to testify at the hearing. She was there, prepared to talk about it, at 5 years old! At the last minute the man must've broke down and he was given 12 years. Luckily, the little girl didn't end up having to testify or see him.
Lea Curtes-Swenson said:How horrifying! Thank you for sharing this with us, Janet... I read your blog post, and have bookmarked the articles you reference. We need to be so vigilant!
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Permalink Reply by Tina Hickman on -
As someone who has been sexually molested, I understandably have trust issues. One thing I have learned, however, is to trust that little voice in the back of your mind that is tells you something is off. That little voice is there to protect you. I jokingly refer to it as my "Spidey-sense", but every time I've paid attention to that voice, I've been right. That is what I will be teaching my son, to trust that voice, and to speak up when he hears it.
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Permalink Reply by Susan Stahley on -
My son is 11. I have always taught him that it is the people we know that may try to touch him. Unfortunately, a man from our church, who was also a school teacher, was molesting teens. He chose to plead guilty so the teens wouldn't have to go through talking about it. It taught me that men with happy looking families can be monsters.
My sister is a counselor for domestic and sexual abuse victims. What I do know about her job is that she counsels the children who have been sexually abuses. It is sad that she has a busy job, but it happens all the time, and it is usually a family friend or relative.
It is so important to not tell lies to your children. For example, the perpetrator may not be locked up forever, he may get out on bail. So, you can't tell your children that the bad guy will be locked up forever. What I have told my son is if anyone touches him, to lie and tell the person he won't tell us, but tell us because we will go to the authorities and move promptly so he wouldn't have to worry about ever running into the person again.
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Permalink Reply by Angela F on -
This is so sad. I had an eye doctor who turned out to be a murderer....it's amazing how you think you know people and they live these totally secret other lives.
Thankful that your kids weren't harmed. I am so sorry for any who were. Thanks for sharing this and making everyone more aware and careful.
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Permalink Reply by Nanette on -
A much needed discussion..... I can relate to Denise's post. I too am very over-protective-when it comes to my children. I was fondled when I was a young girl by a relative. I never told. I was scared that my mom and dad would go to prison for murder. Still to this day I have never told anyone other than my husband. I came close to telling my sisters, but never did or have. I do not allow my children to go to sleep overs, I watch them around men and women, and I do not allow my children to sit on anyone's lap (not even grandparents). I know this may sound CRAZY but it is what it is. I know that all men aren't child abusers but like it is mentioned in so many post, you never can tell. I talk to my children about their private areas, and no touching. I think all parents should listen, watch, and discuss this particular topic with their children.
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