My kids no longer ask for their dad.... what do i do?

My children's father and I have been divorced for 3.5 years. For the first year after the seperation we lived in the same state and he saw the kids not often but he tried...Then we moved and lived in different states, for the 1st year because I felt guilty I paid for his flights to come and see them, every 4 months.... But then he made me miss my best friend's wedding of 30 years and I never forgave him, plus he does not pay me ANY child support so why should I front his visits to see his own children. Well its been 2 years since he has last saw his children, 2 years, they used to have little sad moments when they would cry and I would ask what's wrong and they would say "I miss my daddy", so i would get him on the phone.

Its been almost 3 months since they last spoke to him, he's mad at me so he hasnt called, but they also havent asked to speak to him. They dont ask for him and almost act as if they dont have a father...

I dont know what to do... I would like for them to forget him... yes he is their father, but their is so much history there and its not all good. He also has 4 other children, for a total of 4 "baby mommas". He has never hurt his children and I know he never would, the bad history is with me. But I feel like I have tried, I have done all I could to help him stay in their good graces. I can't allow for him to continue to come in to their lives then leave and not be available for them, that hurts them every time.

I think they are just getting older now and maybe they are confused? I don't know... If you have any advice on the situation I am more than willing to hear it.

Thanks!
JRacquel

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Permalink Reply by Samantha Thrifty on October 21, 2009 at 10:03am

I think it's the natural way of things. All things fade. Kids are busy lil rambunctious things, and tend to be fickle, and not form those long lasting bonds immediately, or at least, they can move on easily.

Sam

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Permalink Reply by Renay Matthews on October 23, 2009 at 10:28am

I am in a simular situation and I let it all go.
I feel as long as you feel good about the healthy life you are creating for your children they will feel good.
When they are old enough they will ask and you can tell them.
Just make sure YOU feel good about the situation as they pick up everything we feel.
You can make it really simple....not everyone stays in our life, some come and some go and some stay forever, and Mommy is your 100% person :) and we are well.
With Love,
Renay

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Permalink Reply by Cheryl McKinzie on October 26, 2009 at 9:07am

You don't list how old your kids are, but in the picture, they look pretty small. There is an excellent book - Was It the Chocolate Pudding? A Story for Little Kids About Divorce, by Sandra Levins. This book can help kids address some of the concerns they face when daddy is somewhere else, in their own language.

Another point, is your ex choosing to not have anything to do with his kids, and their "forgetting" that he exists. Write him a candid letter, letting him know what is going on with the kids. Put your fears down in writing. Leave your anger and distress out of it. Put your feeling about your children into it. Mail this to him and see if it makes an impact. Let him know that the kids need a father who is more than drop-in, and that you have not asked anything of him, like child support or financial considerations. Let him know that you only want what is best for your children.