My daughter wants to live with her father!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay Moms I need advice here. My oldest daughter wants to go and live with her father. My daughter has wanted to live with her father for the past few years now. Every time she visits she cries when she comes back home. It makes me feel so bad and I question why would she want to go and live there. I also ask myself," am I a bad parent" or does she really want to go,"thinking she will not have choresor responsibilities". I just do not know. She participates in school, recreation sports, just about everything. Now, I must say that I can be firm and we enforce rules that she has to follow. Every parent has rules-right?

Her father is not a bad person. He works, has a family of his own, and he loves her very much. I know that he would take excellent care of her but I worry about the wife's actions. People can change when changes come and can affect their way of living.

Last week school was out for spring break and she went to stay with him for the week-to make a long story short, when she came back she was crying. Crying so bad, I thought someone had hurt her. She told me that she didn't want to be here and that she wanted to go live with her dad and that she has lived with me for 11 years. I just didn't know how to take this. I would love to hear from other moms- how you would handle this life changing situation.

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Permalink Reply by Helen Crain on August 12, 2009 at 3:38am

I am currently going through the same. My daughter who has been my best friend for a long time has decided over the past few years that living with Dad would be fun. We moved to Colorado to get away from father and step-mom drama and it made her desire to live with dad worse. I am heartbroken. She went to visit for Summer and I have not spoken to her but 30 seconds here and there since. She has completely shut me out and a motion has been filed to have her live with Dad perm. I go for the hearing today and have not seen her or spoken to her in any detail since she left for visitation.

I, like you, am wondering, how to handle such a painful situation and hope that my daughter will wake up and speak to me ...at a minimum tell me what the problem is or was. Until then, the courts in Texas allow a child of 13 to decide but do not require the child to try and work out issues with the parents. Heartbreaking.

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Permalink Reply by Melody on September 12, 2009 at 8:36pm

My daughter has moved back to Ohio to live with her dad (I'm in KS with my family) and am going through the same thing. The only time she'll talk to me is if I initiate a conversation and then it's only one or 2 word responses. I think she resents me for taking her away from the only place she knew as home.

I will say that over time things have gotten a little better. During visits, it's great. She does hang out with me (whereas she didn't at all while she still lived here) but when she gets back to OH it's back to the same thing.

It breaks my heart as well and is hard to handle. I do think over time though, things will get better for both of us. Just don't give up in trying to connect with her!

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Permalink Reply by christinia mendez on September 23, 2009 at 7:13pm

Ok I made an account just to reply back on this cause this made me think about my situation with my dad. Lol.

And sorry but this isn't a mother. I know u love ur daughter and u want the best for her but I honestly think that she misses her dad alot.I can relate to this because I didn't know my dad for a very long time till I realised I was mature enough to understand where my mom and my dad were comming from.this summer I decided to see him and I stayed with him for a week and when my mom came back to get me I didn't want to talk about it I just wanted the relationship with my dad that I missed out on. My mom didn't know how to react either I was histarical on the car ride home. But anyway lol I feel like that she wants to spend more time with him and that's doesn't mean shed have to move in with him. Sorry I just had to share this. I hope it helps you :]

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Permalink Reply by MamaLuv42 on September 23, 2009 at 8:46pm

Wow, I really wish that I had some profound peice of advice to give you. I can say that I don't feel as though it is any knock on you as a mother. In addition I can say that all women aren't caddy and that there is a chance that her step mother could actually turn out to be a good friend. however I don't know the situation.

What I can say is that there is something to a young ladies life that a Father gives them that no one else can. I sometimes feel that in the society we live in that some of the actions we see young ladies take is a direct reflection of not having that relationship with their fathers. Perhaps she is at a stage in her growth where she needs either his guidance or a sense of security that she feels when she is with him.

Maybe you should talk with the step mother woman to woman and voice your concerns. Talk with with your daughter and talk with her father. that way you have all the information from all sides, that coupled with good ol mothers intuition and prayer should be enough to help you.