Is It ok to leave the kids ? Does it make me a bad mother ?

Later on this year when a friend of mine turns 40 she wants me and another friend to go to Sydney with her for a couple of nights to a posh hotel with a spa - massages and facials and manicures.  I have said yes (I would love to go) but I have never, ever even left my kids for 1 night.  I know that my husband is more than capable of looking after the kids, but still I don't know if I could leave them. 

 

Would it make me a selfish Mum ? I don't know if I would get there and just be wanting to be with the kids

Tags: a, at, away, has, is, it, kids, leave, massage, mum, More…ok, spa, the, to, treatment, weekend

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if you would need a sitter overnight I'd be more hesitant to say go for it... it would depend on your kids, their ages and temperments... but if it's just you going, and your husband will be home? And he's comfy being alone with the kids? GO FOR IT! He's 50% of the parenting equation!

I feel NO guilt leaving my kids with my husband and they are twins, 3 years old, with special needs! I don't do it often, since my husband isn't so comfy, but when I have a business trip (seminar in Dallas-- we live in Cleveland)--- I've done it twice and will do it again. EVEN when we are doing most of the parenting and the kids are used to us mommies, we need to let the daddies take on more when the time is right, they're willing, and the opportunity presents itself! :)
If you want to go, and your husband wants to take care of the kids, then GO! :-) Have fun. Recharge your batteries and bring back the kids (and the hubby) some cool presents! :-)

~Ruthie
You are a good mum - you go girl. You can do it for one night - (you deserve it)
M :)
Thanks so much for the advice. I will let you know nearer the time whether I actually go or not :)
You do need to take some time for yourself to avoid being stressed out. so as long as you leave the kids with someone who you know will care for them as you would then it will be okay for you to leave them. That does not make you a bad mom.
Just thinking - why don't you have a little practice of a couple of hours, so you, kids and hubby will know it is possible and okay?

Hayley Hewitt said:
Thanks so much for the advice. I will let you know nearer the time whether I actually go or not :)
Definitely not! Every mom deserves her me time. Especially if its not something you do often, you should certainly not feel guilty. Have fun!
Nope, go and have fun!
I think someone here needs to stop playing games here. This is my honest and loving opinion.
Its completely, utterly pathetic that you feel you actually have to ask if this is ok. Are you trying to be a martyr? What world are we living in when a woman isn't sure if she can leave her children for a few nights to be a PERSON who has needs? ARE YOU KIDDING?

I'll be even more direct. Being this attached to the "kids" is BAD PARENTING. They need you to be independent of THEM, they need you to mentor and cultivate THEM to be independent of YOU. They are SUPPOSED to leave you. If you aren't even sure if you can leave them for a few nights with the man who helped you CREATE them and loves them as much as you do, how are you going to feel when they actually grow up and leave for college LIKE THEY ARE SUPPOSED TO? This is dependency, not love. Its like saying...."I loved my kids so much that I never let them leave the house because they might get hurt out there". Is that loving the kids so much? Is that what we do when we "love" so much?
Not at all. I don't know your personal situation but if its any help, I have found most moms do sometimes leave their kids for "ladies trip / girls weekend." In our new site - www.skinnyscoop.com - we allow women to "poll" other women & see how they answer. You can even slice & dice geographically or see what your friends think. We like to call it a market research tool for moms that gives us all a sanity check.

One question asked was "How many nights of "ladies trip/girls weekend" (away from kids/partner) do you take in an average year?" The responses so far...

27% none
23% 1-2 nights/year
19% 3-4 nights/year
12% 5-8 nights/year
19% 9+ nights/year

I'm not saying there is a right or wrong. But you can see that lots of other moms have struggled w/ this & how they ended up acting.

PS - Another question "Do you have days where you think 'I am a bad mom' or 'I am just not cut out for this'?" had 100% of moms saying "yes"!

Eden Godsoe
Co-Founder, SkinnyScoop
Please, please go (if you haven't already)! It's so important to take care of ourselves as people first -- which, in turn, allows us to be the best moms possible. Recharge your batteries without guilt, and enjoy! Your homecoming will be all the sweeter for it...

Hugs to you, my dear.
Don't even hesitate. Go and have fun, you totally deserve it. The first time I went away was for a blogging conference and I didn't think I could do it, but guess what, everyone survived and this has made it easier for me to go away once or twice a year on my own. I just leave VERY long lists for hubby and clothing changes for each of the kids because lets face it he couldn't co-ordinate clothing to save himself :).

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