Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Lindsay Prescott on February 1, 2010 at 1:09pm

Our daughter is 3 (will be 4 in June). Plain old time out use to work, but after a while it seemed to have no effect one her. We got the idea from another friend to do hands up time out. I've heard of several different ways to do it (one way is make them stand with their noses touching the wall, but they have to hold their arms/hands up above their head). We make her stand in time out for 3 minutes holding her arms up. Ever since we started doing hands up time out, I noticed a vast improvement in her behavior. I recommended this to another friend who has 3 daughters and it works great for her too. On the other hand, I have a friend with a son who tried this same method. She said it worked on him for a little bit and then after that it didn't (so, I guess this is one of those things that some kids it works, while others it doesn't).

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Ruth Edensor on February 3, 2010 at 1:29pm

I think time out is good as a last resort, when you both need time apart, but if you miss steps before then such as giving a logical concequence and quite time, time out just doesn't seem to work well.

I would say that 1 minute for each year of age is a good guideline put time starts when they are quiet, otherwise they can still be upset when they come out of it. I made some guidelines if you are interested I can send you them?

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Hayley Hewitt on February 3, 2010 at 8:02pm

Thanks Ruth, yes I would be interested to see them, thanks

Ruth Edensor said:

I think time out is good as a last resort, when you both need time apart, but if you miss steps before then such as giving a logical concequence and quite time, time out just doesn't seem to work well.

I would say that 1 minute for each year of age is a good guideline put time starts when they are quiet, otherwise they can still be upset when they come out of it. I made some guidelines if you are interested I can send you them?

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Rachel Sutton on February 4, 2010 at 2:52pm

I have found that time out has always worked for my son. He is now 9. He is actually a pretty well behaved little man, but if/when he is not and I tell him to do something and he doesn't or tell him not to do something and he does, he goes straight to the corner. Basically nose in corner, told him once that is how it is to be done, and I never had to tell him again. He is to literally stand there (no goofing off or moving around). I chose to go with 1 minute per age of child (as mentioned above). The time in the corner is spent with him "thinking" about what he did wrong....why it was wrong....and what he needs to do when he gets done with the corner time (ie: apologize, etc). 99% of the time this would be his punishment.

There have been a couple times that I have had to take his games away (but that has been for more serious things, such as lying, as that is a big rule in our house).

I think parents are different with what they decide as a punishment, and it really comes down to knowing your children and what works best for them. Testing the waters, so to speak, till you find what works best for them.

Rachel

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Hayley Hewitt on February 5, 2010 at 2:25pm

Thanks Rachel , I think sometimes thats probably where I go wrong sending them to their room instead of in a corner. Thanks for reply.

Rachel Sutton said:

I have found that time out has always worked for my son. He is now 9. He is actually a pretty well behaved little man, but if/when he is not and I tell him to do something and he doesn't or tell him not to do something and he does, he goes straight to the corner. Basically nose in corner, told him once that is how it is to be done, and I never had to tell him again. He is to literally stand there (no goofing off or moving around). I chose to go with 1 minute per age of child (as mentioned above). The time in the corner is spent with him "thinking" about what he did wrong....why it was wrong....and what he needs to do when he gets done with the corner time (ie: apologize, etc). 99% of the time this would be his punishment.

There have been a couple times that I have had to take his games away (but that has been for more serious things, such as lying, as that is a big rule in our house).

I think parents are different with what they decide as a punishment, and it really comes down to knowing your children and what works best for them. Testing the waters, so to speak, till you find what works best for them.

Rachel

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Chris Tryon on February 5, 2010 at 4:32pm

Sometimes parents need a time out. What worked consistently for my boys was to reward good behavior or to take away the things that they value the most.

For example, regarding the homework issue, my oldest son was motivated to complete his assignments in a reasonable time was to let him watch his favorite TV show. The fact that the show came on at the same time as Oprah kept me from tuning in. When he knew that he was preventing me from turning on Oprah, that motivated him to complete his assignments quickly.

Also a trip to Grandma's house without their brothers' was also pretty good motivation for good behavior as well. We didn't do this very often as they got older, but it was quite effective when "big issues" came about.

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Christina Matthews on February 6, 2010 at 2:18pm

We use different punishments for different behaviors.

If she is having a snotty attitude sitting in time out works well. But sometimes just using examples that relate to her can be very effective.

Our daughter is 5 and she gets an allowance every week for unloading the dishwasher. A couple days ago when she was putting dishes away she was playing with the lazy susan spinning it around and around and she knocked off one of my Grandmothers China Platters and it broke. I was really upset so my husband explained to her that that platter was very precious (she is all about certain items of hers being precious). It was easier for her to understand that I was upset because she hurt something precious of mine. My husband also explained that she had to give up a dollar of her allowance to help purchase a new platter. She has been much more careful since then.

We try to vary our approach and tailor it to a particular bad behavior. We find that if she does not know exactly what the punishment will be the punishment is more effective.

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Amy on February 6, 2010 at 10:05pm

Timeouts used to work for my son but do not any more. So instead we take away something that he loves for 3 days because that is how old he is.

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Gretchin Heath on February 6, 2010 at 10:32pm

I too would like some guide lines.. my 18 mo. old is too yong for most of this, but I have to have something for later.

Any recs, on the best way to correct behavior at such a young age?

Hayley Hewitt said:

Thanks Ruth, yes I would be interested to see them, thanks

Ruth Edensor said:

I think time out is good as a last resort, when you both need time apart, but if you miss steps before then such as giving a logical concequence and quite time, time out just doesn't seem to work well.

I would say that 1 minute for each year of age is a good guideline put time starts when they are quiet, otherwise they can still be upset when they come out of it. I made some guidelines if you are interested I can send you them?

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Ruth Edensor on February 7, 2010 at 12:54pm

Hi Hayley,

I have posted the guidlines that I use in my book for Time out in my Blog, http://www.twittermoms.com/profiles/blog/list?user=22jgtpxouqatl, please follow the link or go to my page to see my latest blog, let me know what you think. All the best Ruth



Gretchin Heath said:

I too would like some guide lines.. my 18 mo. old is too yong for most of this, but I have to have something for later.

Any recs, on the best way to correct behavior at such a young age?

Hayley Hewitt said:

Thanks Ruth, yes I would be interested to see them, thanks

Ruth Edensor said:

I think time out is good as a last resort, when you both need time apart, but if you miss steps before then such as giving a logical concequence and quite time, time out just doesn't seem to work well.

I would say that 1 minute for each year of age is a good guideline put time starts when they are quiet, otherwise they can still be upset when they come out of it. I made some guidelines if you are interested I can send you them?

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Ruth Edensor on February 7, 2010 at 1:04pm

Hi Gretchin,

Yes I wouldn't use Time out for an 18 month old.

As an 18 month old is exploring and learning fast it is an ideal time to give out positive rewards and praise for good behaviour as they will do more of what they get attention for.

It is also really effective if you ask them for what you want as it is easy to keep telling them don't do this don't do that. If you ask them exactly what you want they are much more likely to do it, for example, 'sit on the chair', instead of 'stop jumping'. It works a treat

A fitting concequence is ideal for unwanted behaviour, for example, take the cars away if they hit their friend with it.

You can start to introduce quiet time, (rules are like time out but they have to be quiet and sit out instead) for example, if they continue to fight after taking the cars away they have to come and sit by you quietly for 2 minutes.

18 month olds can often easily be redirected when you see trouble coming so you will find that useful as well.

Hope that gives you some idea, let me know how you get on :)

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Rebecca Doll on February 8, 2010 at 12:43am

I have a 6 year old son who was lashing out a lot and timeouts did not work. I would put him in them and he would run out. Nothing worked.

I took a Positive Parenting class and learnt some new techniques and he is doing great. I also learnt a lot about why timeouts weren't working for him.

We now use Self Calming time. The idea is the same, time to calm down and reflect. The difference is in the implementation. The person (child/adult) gets to pick their self calming place and they decide how long they want to go there. This is their safe place and it is not OK to follow them there etc. If someone is having a bad day, it is OK to stay and chill all day if they need to.

You get to come back and join the rest of the family when you are ready to follow house rules. The house rules were agreed upon by all of us.

It's teaching the kids self control and self calming and helping build their self esteem.

We also use consequences although we discuss with the kids every month or so what the consequences should be for certain behaviours we want to modify. They decide on 1st, 2nd, 3rd offence and then we stick to it.

The great thing about this is that it works for a lot of kids including those with Aspergers

• ▶ Reply

▶ Reply to Discussion

• ‹ Previous
• 1
• 2
• Next ›
• Page